You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
