It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
