Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
