I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
