i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
