my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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