we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
