I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
