took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
