You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
