Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
