Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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