I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
