oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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