between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
