Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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