I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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