he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
