He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
