I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
ttyl tear gas
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
