My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
