Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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