I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
