is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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