Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
