Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
