I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
