i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
