love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you had me at cake vodka
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
