Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
