Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
whose parrot is this?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
