There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This can only be settled by a dance off.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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