I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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