My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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