A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Text me some of your sweat
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
