I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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