so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
