I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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