I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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