Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
from now on my penis is your penis
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
