my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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