I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
