Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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