Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Less talking, more tequila
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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