I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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