Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
