I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
