i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
