I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
