his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
