tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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