I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had to cum in my sink.
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