fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
