yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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