were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
