I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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