No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
