Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
