I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
