remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
