Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize