I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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