went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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