I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
