Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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