hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
