I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
