Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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