guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
