My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
