She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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