My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The Olympian is in my bed
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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