Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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