Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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