Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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