The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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