tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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