i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
