he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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