this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize