he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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