We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
